The past only comes back if you let it.
It is usual for people to have past relationships, but is it normal to still be on speaking terms with your exes? Of course, it depends on how things ended. Was it a mutual decision? Were you in a clear understanding about why you did not work out? Were you able to maintain a respectful epilogue to the story? You are luckier than most if you answer yes because other people have faced worse situations—scenarios that do not allow room for any future friendship.
Things tend to get more complicated when a relationship ends on a sour note, especially for the next person who will come into your life. No one is a pro in these toxic situations, so it is best to leave everything behind altogether. Move to an unfamiliar city, pursue your dream career, find a new orthodontist, and start fresh. After all, a ship cannot set sail when an anchor is weighing it down. You will not be able to move on if you still have baggage with you.
If you know you still have past baggage with you, here are some tips that might help.
Cut Off Any Form of Communication
Toxic relationships are the worst thing anyone can ever endure. A manipulator and a victim mostly play it. If you were a victim of any form of abuse and managed to get out of the relationship, it would be best to sever any forms of communication.
Why? It’s because any channel left open will serve as an opportunity for the abuser to get you back. Not in the sense of winning you back, but still being able to show the power they hold over you. As long as there is a line open somewhere, a toxic ex will find ways to make you feel horrible for leaving. The person can even call you asking for help, manipulating you to feel responsible and fall into the same rabbit hole.
See, a toxic ex from afar can still terrorize victims. So as much as you want to be civilized, it is best to block the person from all your social media accounts. If possible, change your phone number and refrain from hanging out in places where your ex can find you. Do these for your safety and peace of mind.
Stop Asking About Them
Abusers are often troubled people who need professional help.
When you experience being in a toxic relationship, you will know that this person latched on to you for support. You can be abused for emotional and financial aid and even for their physical needs. An average person would, of course, feel bad for hurting anyone. Thus, it is understandable to still check up on the toxic ex you left behind. However, it is what they want, too. These people use other people’s kind traits against them and might even do horrible things to harm themselves so that they can get your attention.
If they learn that you are still asking about their situation out of concern, they will misunderstand your intentions. They can easily misinterpret your actions as wanting them back because you still care. It is not wrong to still care, especially if you feel responsible for their destructive tendencies. After all, things are not black and white, but just remind yourself that you have nothing to do with their actions. Their actions are theirs, and you are not the one to blame if they refuse to get the help they need.
Try Not to Jump Into a New Relationship Right Away
Now, this last one is for you.
People cope differently, and some tend to recover when they are with new people. However, jumping into a new relationship without addressing the emotional baggage you have with you is akin to moving into a new home with tons of garbage with you. Do you want that? Additionally, do you want your new person to deal with your trash, too? No, as it could only strain the new relationship and potentially ruin it before you even heal and blossom into a new person.
Some traumas never go away, but you can try. After all, being in a toxic relationship is traumatizing. You wouldn’t even know how scared you are until you take some time off with yourself. Hence, see a shrink and address everything first before delving into another relationship.
Relationships are the hardest thing to master in life. Indeed, no one has the perfect relationship, but you can have a healthy one—a relationship where you are valued, heard, and loved.